Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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