Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I cockslap morals
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
