I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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