Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
