Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
