I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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