**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
