Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
