Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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