p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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