last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize