I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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