I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
