totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
