I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
