2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
