That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
