why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
