i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this boner is exhausting
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
