fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
