is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
