I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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