i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
