I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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