I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize