EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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