she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
