just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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