there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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