im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
