Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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