This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
