You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
