do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
