were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
