i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You ruined the universe
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
