Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
...so i touched it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
