I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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