How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
