Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Someone came in the potted fern
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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