So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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