The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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