I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you never un-have a 4some
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
