"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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