I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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