The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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