1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
