I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
