I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
