I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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