Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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