when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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