So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
