you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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