I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
