I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
