Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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