My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
