so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
