Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Houston, we have a squirter
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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