No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
