Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
