i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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