Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
