Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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