why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
