have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
