Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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