i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
