You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
