ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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