yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
